Just finished a productive rehearsal. After I get into my mom's car, she begins to drive home and say, "I was talking to grandma today. She asked what I was doing over break." my mom responds to her saying that I will be in DC for 2 days for my audition at American University. my grandma says "Well that's a waste. It's expensive and it's a party school."
This was not the first time my grandma commented on AU. She has said similar things, mostly about price, about other schools I am applying to. College is expensive in general. And American University didn't even make Princeton Review's Top 20 Party School List.
I hear similar comments from my mom too often.
My mom goes on saying "you should of applied to Princeton. Their tuition is 12,000." It's true, if anyone is interested about this ask me for the article.
my mom's suggestion really ticked me off. How could you say such a thing when i have told you before that I have no interested in going to that school. It is probably a very competitive atmosphere and I have no interest in being a part of that. I told her that I don't want to go but she says something like "So. It's 12,000 dollars think about what me and your father have to go through."
She's is being really selfish. Doesn't she care about my say in this. She only cares about her wallet.
After she said this I got very angry. She knows I don't want to go to Princeton. Correction: I told her before I have absolutely no interest in going there but she forgot. It's prob a very competitive atmosphere and i don't want to be a part of that. She goes on saying something like "Don't you care about what me and your dad have to go through paying this?" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING!? I think that is being selfish. They just want me to go to a school that has a tuition that is not super high. my happiness doesn't count. Really. Their bank accounts are the only thing that matter. Not that where I choose to study for the next 4 YEARS of my life are super important! I'm so angry. Similar situations have happened before. I just want to yell at my mom saying : ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! Dont' you care about anything else but money? College, no matter what, is expensive!
I told this to my dad and he's on my side. We are alike in some way and have similar thoughts when it comes to someone. I could always go to him when I'm having a shitty day or when my mom is going on another one of her rants.
I don't know if my mom realizes this but she can say things that a mother should never say. The other day I got a new leotard in the mail. I tried it on and showed it to her to get her opinion. After giving her thoughts on the leotard she said to me something like "start doing crunches" or "you should do crunches." I know what she was referring to. And I know I don't have rock hard abs but that's not my fault: I was not dancing for the past 5 months what do you expect? Don't expect me to get rock hard abs from just 6 dance classes.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
STAC: Artist Statement
After all these years of not understand how to write an artist statement and what it is... I finally have one. I think.
Performing makes me happy, proud, and energized. Becoming someone who lives a completely different lifestyle than me is exciting. It also makes reality more exciting. I want to have a sustainable career in theater so that I can explore the minds of different types of people. my ultimate goal is to have a sustainable career on Broadway, but, I know how hard and rare that is. Theater is a magical combination of talent, persistence, dedication, technique, and family. In my past theater performances, I have learned a lot about life and what it takes to put on an outstanding show.
I am very indecisive once you get to know me. Sometimes I ask people what I should do but I have no clue. However, I am decisive when it come to choosing songs, monologues, or dances to learn. For college auditions, my vocal coach introduced me to songs that fit my range best. There were some songs that I did not like from the start, even though judging that quickly is not good. It's different for music. So, we got rid of that song. Diane, an acting coach I worked with a couple of times, gave me my monologues. Exploring monologues in depth was a new experience for me. I had a lot of fun doing it though. Diane doesn't know me well, but, the second pair of monologues she gave me fit me very well. And dancing.. well I am always interested in learning a dance because there are so many types of dance and I love exploring them and expanding my knowledge with movement.
Right now I am focusing the most on strengthening my not-bad-anymore knee and practicing songs, 2 monologues, and a dance for college auditions. It is a lot of work but I am loving every minute of it. I have a lot of fun practicing because the more I practice, the more I love the material. You also get more comfortable with what you are presenting to the college people. Practicing is also very challenging. I need to push myself to go full out. It's easier said than done. I learned how to cope with the uncomfortable feeling I get: I tell myself that I can do it (even though that's really corny. Well look at it this way: I want to prepare myself for a career in mt. AKA the meca of corny), I am not going to do a bad job, it's all trial and error, this is when I can make as many mistakes as possible.
Performing makes me happy, proud, and energized. Becoming someone who lives a completely different lifestyle than me is exciting. It also makes reality more exciting. I want to have a sustainable career in theater so that I can explore the minds of different types of people. my ultimate goal is to have a sustainable career on Broadway, but, I know how hard and rare that is. Theater is a magical combination of talent, persistence, dedication, technique, and family. In my past theater performances, I have learned a lot about life and what it takes to put on an outstanding show.
I am very indecisive once you get to know me. Sometimes I ask people what I should do but I have no clue. However, I am decisive when it come to choosing songs, monologues, or dances to learn. For college auditions, my vocal coach introduced me to songs that fit my range best. There were some songs that I did not like from the start, even though judging that quickly is not good. It's different for music. So, we got rid of that song. Diane, an acting coach I worked with a couple of times, gave me my monologues. Exploring monologues in depth was a new experience for me. I had a lot of fun doing it though. Diane doesn't know me well, but, the second pair of monologues she gave me fit me very well. And dancing.. well I am always interested in learning a dance because there are so many types of dance and I love exploring them and expanding my knowledge with movement.
Right now I am focusing the most on strengthening my not-bad-anymore knee and practicing songs, 2 monologues, and a dance for college auditions. It is a lot of work but I am loving every minute of it. I have a lot of fun practicing because the more I practice, the more I love the material. You also get more comfortable with what you are presenting to the college people. Practicing is also very challenging. I need to push myself to go full out. It's easier said than done. I learned how to cope with the uncomfortable feeling I get: I tell myself that I can do it (even though that's really corny. Well look at it this way: I want to prepare myself for a career in mt. AKA the meca of corny), I am not going to do a bad job, it's all trial and error, this is when I can make as many mistakes as possible.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Book Ideas
"An Innocent, a Broad" by Ann Leary
"Just Kids" Patti SMith
Having a hard time finding a good book. I am very critical when it comes to finding a book I actually want to read. Yes it's for a class but if I am not interesting in the book, I won't read it.
I am not interested in any one topic but I know what I don't like to read. I've spent 20 mins or so on barnes and nobles website. I'm giving up for now and going to sleep.
"Just Kids" Patti SMith
Having a hard time finding a good book. I am very critical when it comes to finding a book I actually want to read. Yes it's for a class but if I am not interesting in the book, I won't read it.
I am not interested in any one topic but I know what I don't like to read. I've spent 20 mins or so on barnes and nobles website. I'm giving up for now and going to sleep.
STAC: 3 Core Values and Issues
1) Health/Wellness/Keeping fit
This is very important to me. I would become miserable if I "let myself go." I need to eat healthy and exercise and stay healthy as a part of being happy with myself.
2) Social
Not in a sense that I always have to be talking (although yesterday I was on a sugar high from 12:30pm-9:30pm. major crash. And today I had an extreme case of ADD. I get that sometimes. There are just some days where I can't focus. Everyone has those days. But I was focusing in rehearsal today. I always focus in rehearsal. And sorry Luke but I like rehearsing more than drawing.
What I mean is speaking your mind, telling the TRUTH (super important for me. I don't trust people easily. I think that is a good thing.) and interacting with other people. I relate this to the relationships I have with my best friends, friends, teachers I like to talk to...
3) Freedom?
I'm a woman warrior!! I am a feminist and all for equality. my interest in women's history/struggle for equality started last year when I decided to write my social studies final paper on the topic, comparing the struggles and successes in the 20s and 70s. I find it really fascinating.
I want to study communications in college. I just found this a coincidence because I listed social as a core value.
Let's get this straight: I was first asked what are my core values my soph year - my first year in stac by Luke. It was over midterm week. That year he wanted everyone to come in and have an interview type thing. After we talked he made my sit in the art room and write down what my core values were. I had no clue what to put. Core values seemed to be so incredibly important. I had a really hard time figuring out what they were. I think I wrote: friends family and money? maybe laughter instead of money? I'm not sure. I didn't want to put family down. At that time friends were more important to me than family. I only put family down because I didn't want to be looked upon as a bad person (the 3 in me back then).
Family has gotten more important to me over the years but I can't say that it is more important to me than family. It seems so bad to say that but I learned that it is perfectly okay to feel that way and admit it. And if anyone has a problem with it: kiss my ass.
ISSUES
- people who constantly are rude/disrespectful
- people who don't understand why they are being punished even though it is so obvious.
This is very important to me. I would become miserable if I "let myself go." I need to eat healthy and exercise and stay healthy as a part of being happy with myself.
2) Social
Not in a sense that I always have to be talking (although yesterday I was on a sugar high from 12:30pm-9:30pm. major crash. And today I had an extreme case of ADD. I get that sometimes. There are just some days where I can't focus. Everyone has those days. But I was focusing in rehearsal today. I always focus in rehearsal. And sorry Luke but I like rehearsing more than drawing.
What I mean is speaking your mind, telling the TRUTH (super important for me. I don't trust people easily. I think that is a good thing.) and interacting with other people. I relate this to the relationships I have with my best friends, friends, teachers I like to talk to...
3) Freedom?
I'm a woman warrior!! I am a feminist and all for equality. my interest in women's history/struggle for equality started last year when I decided to write my social studies final paper on the topic, comparing the struggles and successes in the 20s and 70s. I find it really fascinating.
I want to study communications in college. I just found this a coincidence because I listed social as a core value.
Let's get this straight: I was first asked what are my core values my soph year - my first year in stac by Luke. It was over midterm week. That year he wanted everyone to come in and have an interview type thing. After we talked he made my sit in the art room and write down what my core values were. I had no clue what to put. Core values seemed to be so incredibly important. I had a really hard time figuring out what they were. I think I wrote: friends family and money? maybe laughter instead of money? I'm not sure. I didn't want to put family down. At that time friends were more important to me than family. I only put family down because I didn't want to be looked upon as a bad person (the 3 in me back then).
Family has gotten more important to me over the years but I can't say that it is more important to me than family. It seems so bad to say that but I learned that it is perfectly okay to feel that way and admit it. And if anyone has a problem with it: kiss my ass.
ISSUES
- people who constantly are rude/disrespectful
- people who don't understand why they are being punished even though it is so obvious.
Forever
I'm listening to a song I just discovered. "Forever" by Ben Harper. It is really good. Really mellow, and it reminds me a lot of john mayer/jack johnson which is probably why I really like it.
I'm starting to think that listening to music while I blog is really helpful if you are ever stuck on what to write about or how to start your blog. That the really nice things about blogs: there is no specific way to start it and there is no specific topic that needs to be mentioned.
Now I'm listening to "In the Colors" by Ben Harper. This is why I really like about youtube: it tells you similar videos that have been posted that relate to what I am watching at that moment.
Luke suggested to me that I start another blog for my daily practice. I don't think it is necessary because if I need to post a blog for stac work I can simply make the title something like "STAC:_____." And it is your choice to read my blog. You don't have to even though I would like you to :) and comment! :)
If you look at something as a struggle, it will become a struggle.
Does anything last forever? Think about it and tell me what you think!
I'm starting to think that listening to music while I blog is really helpful if you are ever stuck on what to write about or how to start your blog. That the really nice things about blogs: there is no specific way to start it and there is no specific topic that needs to be mentioned.
Now I'm listening to "In the Colors" by Ben Harper. This is why I really like about youtube: it tells you similar videos that have been posted that relate to what I am watching at that moment.
Luke suggested to me that I start another blog for my daily practice. I don't think it is necessary because if I need to post a blog for stac work I can simply make the title something like "STAC:_____." And it is your choice to read my blog. You don't have to even though I would like you to :) and comment! :)
If you look at something as a struggle, it will become a struggle.
Does anything last forever? Think about it and tell me what you think!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Exciting Times
The next three weeks are going to be so much fun! This week in STAC we are having the coan party, even though I'm kind of nervous what people will predict about me. But I am excited and anxious at the same time. I started two new classes that should be really great and this weekend I am going to Lawrence model congress. It sounds nerdy but I really enjoy debating. A lot of my classes have been about speaking your mind and not having the strict classroom rules when the teacher talks and you take notes for 40 mins. The next two weeks involve a conference, a concert, tons of auditions and visiting colleges, and most importantly, my 18th birthday. Having so many exciting upcoming events pushes me to be on top of my work even more. It's weird in a way because you would think that the more excited you are about something you would put everything else off and just focus on that one exciting thing, right? I think this. But it's the opposite. I think what makes me to be more on top of my work is the wall of death: if i am not on top of what I have to get done, the exciting things will go away.
I missed blogging, I am having a great time writing right now. Listening to a fun song and typing out what you think just speaking your mind. I really love that I can speak my mind. Doesn't that sound bad? That people in other countries don't have the same freedom as I do. It's terrible. I think that goes back to traditional thinking/beliefs that we were talking about in class today. Traditional because people in a country have to follow and love and respect their leader. That's it. And if you go against the leader (unfortunately usually a man) and or the government, you can just kiss your sorry life goodbye.
DAILY PRACTICE
I'm pretty sure that Luke set it to be art related. Cause for example I stretch and lift ankle weights everyday to keep my left knee as strong as my right knee. Yeah, before I started PT my left knee was actually weaker than my right. And my left thigh muscle was smaller than my right! So odd. But it wasn't such a difference that you could tell. God, I miss being as strong and fit as I was in the summer. But I am working back to where I was this summer and slowly (I wish it would go faster but that our bodies don't work like that) but surely I will get back to where I was. I can't wait. I love exercising, working out. It makes me feel really good. I feel good about myself that I am staying healthy and fit. I'm not like totally weaker than I was in the summer but I have gotten a little weaker, I've noticed. And it's not because I am overly critical about myself. I am though. Everyone is whether we like it or not. There is different extremes of it. Some people, especially girls, that completely freak out when they see a tiny blemish on their face. Really? Calm down! It;s not as bad as you think. I was never self-conscious about my face. If I did I think I would be depressed, really. If your afraid people are going to judge you and not like you based on a tiny pimple, whether one or a ton, on your face then they don't deserve to be your friend and that person wouldn't be a good friend. In fact, that person is an asshole.
I feel so good blogging. Getting everything out even though this isn't the first time I have said these things. Sometimes it's just nice repeating things but going into more detail. Fully explaining yourself.
I hate missed opportunities. When you think about whether you want to do it or not and then when you finally decide you want to do it your chance is too late. I hate it! It really bothers me, I get annoyed. A big "UGH! ARE YOU KIDDING!?" moment. Sometimes you don't have the time to think about the consequences or decide if you want to do it. You just have to do it and think about the consequences later. Do it. And you know what? Think quickly and do it again and alter it a little. Try to alter if if you get the chance to do the opportunity again.
I was thinking about embarrassment today. Like, if you admitted something to other people. What you did isn't a big deal because it happens all the time but maybe it involved someone else, or it happened in a certain place that you might be embarressed to admit. That's really bad especially when you don't regret doing it.
I missed blogging, I am having a great time writing right now. Listening to a fun song and typing out what you think just speaking your mind. I really love that I can speak my mind. Doesn't that sound bad? That people in other countries don't have the same freedom as I do. It's terrible. I think that goes back to traditional thinking/beliefs that we were talking about in class today. Traditional because people in a country have to follow and love and respect their leader. That's it. And if you go against the leader (unfortunately usually a man) and or the government, you can just kiss your sorry life goodbye.
DAILY PRACTICE
I'm pretty sure that Luke set it to be art related. Cause for example I stretch and lift ankle weights everyday to keep my left knee as strong as my right knee. Yeah, before I started PT my left knee was actually weaker than my right. And my left thigh muscle was smaller than my right! So odd. But it wasn't such a difference that you could tell. God, I miss being as strong and fit as I was in the summer. But I am working back to where I was this summer and slowly (I wish it would go faster but that our bodies don't work like that) but surely I will get back to where I was. I can't wait. I love exercising, working out. It makes me feel really good. I feel good about myself that I am staying healthy and fit. I'm not like totally weaker than I was in the summer but I have gotten a little weaker, I've noticed. And it's not because I am overly critical about myself. I am though. Everyone is whether we like it or not. There is different extremes of it. Some people, especially girls, that completely freak out when they see a tiny blemish on their face. Really? Calm down! It;s not as bad as you think. I was never self-conscious about my face. If I did I think I would be depressed, really. If your afraid people are going to judge you and not like you based on a tiny pimple, whether one or a ton, on your face then they don't deserve to be your friend and that person wouldn't be a good friend. In fact, that person is an asshole.
I feel so good blogging. Getting everything out even though this isn't the first time I have said these things. Sometimes it's just nice repeating things but going into more detail. Fully explaining yourself.
I hate missed opportunities. When you think about whether you want to do it or not and then when you finally decide you want to do it your chance is too late. I hate it! It really bothers me, I get annoyed. A big "UGH! ARE YOU KIDDING!?" moment. Sometimes you don't have the time to think about the consequences or decide if you want to do it. You just have to do it and think about the consequences later. Do it. And you know what? Think quickly and do it again and alter it a little. Try to alter if if you get the chance to do the opportunity again.
I was thinking about embarrassment today. Like, if you admitted something to other people. What you did isn't a big deal because it happens all the time but maybe it involved someone else, or it happened in a certain place that you might be embarressed to admit. That's really bad especially when you don't regret doing it.
Enneagram Test Results
Type 3 - 9
Type 7 - 8.3
Type 9 - 7.7
Type 8 - 5.3
Type 1 - 4.7
Type 2 - 4.7
Type 4 - 3
I was surprised to see that I am mostly a 3. According to the website, 3 is "The Achiever. People of this personality type need to be validated in order to feel worthy; they pursue success and want to be admired. They are frequently hard working, competetive and are highly focused in the pursuit of their goals, whether their goal is to be the most successful salesman in the company or the "sexiest" woman in their social circle."
I disagree with this part of the explanation. I don't have the desire to be the best of the best. Yes, I a a hard worker and at times I can be competitive. But I wouldn't take that to the extreme.
"Threes are socially competent, often extroverted, and sometimes charismatic. They know how to present themselves, are self-confident, practical, and driven. Threes have a lot of energy and often seem to embody a kind of zest for life that others find contagious." I agree with this! I really like this part of the explanation, not just because it is true but after I read it, I sort of had an "aha" moment. It's so cool, and kind of creepy, that taking a simple survey could depict one's personality.
There are other parts in the explanation that I agree with and disagree with. I know I am not 100% 3. I'm mostly three and under that I am mostly 7 (The Enthusiast!).
The thing I find most interesting about these tests is that no one person is the same. This is so corny but true: everyone is different, everyone is unique.
I think diversity and not one person being the same is one of the most fascinating things in the world.
Type 7 - 8.3
Type 9 - 7.7
Type 8 - 5.3
Type 1 - 4.7
Type 2 - 4.7
Type 4 - 3
I was surprised to see that I am mostly a 3. According to the website, 3 is "The Achiever. People of this personality type need to be validated in order to feel worthy; they pursue success and want to be admired. They are frequently hard working, competetive and are highly focused in the pursuit of their goals, whether their goal is to be the most successful salesman in the company or the "sexiest" woman in their social circle."
I disagree with this part of the explanation. I don't have the desire to be the best of the best. Yes, I a a hard worker and at times I can be competitive. But I wouldn't take that to the extreme.
"Threes are socially competent, often extroverted, and sometimes charismatic. They know how to present themselves, are self-confident, practical, and driven. Threes have a lot of energy and often seem to embody a kind of zest for life that others find contagious." I agree with this! I really like this part of the explanation, not just because it is true but after I read it, I sort of had an "aha" moment. It's so cool, and kind of creepy, that taking a simple survey could depict one's personality.
There are other parts in the explanation that I agree with and disagree with. I know I am not 100% 3. I'm mostly three and under that I am mostly 7 (The Enthusiast!).
The thing I find most interesting about these tests is that no one person is the same. This is so corny but true: everyone is different, everyone is unique.
I think diversity and not one person being the same is one of the most fascinating things in the world.
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