I get by with [a lot] of help from my friends.

The past month has really made me think about the people I befriended at Pace. I would never think I could meet so many great people. I was talking with one of my best friends here saying what an awesome group of people we've found. There not just fun to hang out with in the cafeteria or on weekends. They will stop what they are doing to help you out no matter how boring or simple the task is. They'll take care of you when you're sick. They'll break into your dorm building to give you soup when your ill. So to all my friends at Pace. You guys are some of the best people I've ever met.

My Way or the Highway

You can't always get what you want. You can't always expect things to go your way. For me, it's rare when something goes my way. I don't have much luck and plans always get changed. But that's life.

After today I told myself that I can't let something that didn't go my way bring me down. All I can do is appreciate what I got and do my best. That's it. This kind of goes back to me saying do what you need to get what you want. You can try as much as you can but it might not always work out your way. That's a little upsetting. Overall, all you can do is work your hardest and stand out. Everything will fall into place.

To my friends,

Today is finally January 23, the day I move back to school for my second semester. I can't believe a month has actually gone by.

I spent break hanging out and catching up with friends from high school. Even though we've all spent a few months apart, doing our own thing and meeting new people, it was like nothing changed when we hung out. Except that we all have fun stories to exchange. :)

At first it was wierd being home for more than a week. It took some days getting used to waking up in a quiet house without having friends live next-door or a few floors above you. Overall, I enjoyed my time at home. It was good to spend time with friends and family. And as I procrastinate, not packing up my things, I kind of wish to stay a home a little longer. After waking up, I layed in my bed for a while just hoping that time would go by slow.

As I look at my STAC pollock and other high school things in my room, I am reminded of so many memories from STAC and from high school in general... The good memories and the not-so-good memories that are now funny ones. Without my high school friends, I wouldn't be the person I am today. So to all my friends from school and dance and home in general, thank you. I think I turned out alright :)

Even though Herricks has a place in my heart, it's time to start fresh. I can't bring Herricks to college, I can't bring my high school friends to college, I can't bring anyone or anything to college besides myself. For me, I need to learn how to start on a totally clean slate and to fill it up with things that are happening in the present and ideas that I have for the present and the future. I can't have my memories be the basis for what I do now.

Part of going to college is becoming more mature. For me, that means to handle bigger responsibilities, to manage my time well, and to fight for what I really want to do. If I learned anything from being at Pace so far it's to never take "no" for an answer. If I want to do something with my life, I will make it happen. But.. that's easier said than done. There are so many things I want to accomplish this semester! I just don't know where to begin or how to figure out the process of completing my goals. I guess that alone helps you become more of an adult.

Thoughts

What's been running through my mind the past few hours

Marketing director for a broadway show
Performer
The right school
The right school for theater
The right school for me
What is that right school
Will I ever know
Will I ever leave Pace University
Will I ever get what I want
Will I ever know what to do

The last thought hit me hard: will I ever know what to do. I figured this out last year in stac. I talk to friends and secretly have them tell me what to do. I dont know if secretly was the right word to use but it's what came to mind. I've been trying to figuring out how to stop doing this. It's gotten better but every time I find myself in a rut I find someone to tell me what to do.

Caring, caring, caring...

I've realized today how easy going I am. And I'm pretty sure that I've crossed the line to carelessness. I noticed how often I say "I don't care." Saying that has become second nature for me. In a previous post I mentioned that I didn't care when I lost "important" items that I use everyday. This got me thinking.. what do I care about?

I made a list (in no particular order):
1)My friends
2)My family
3)Me (my body/health, success, failures (not including losing things), goals, dreams, future)

After I created this listed, I learned that I care about my family and friend's health, success, failures, goals, dreams, and future plans. I believe that makes me a caring person. But if I am so caring why am I so careless? It's because the little things in life don't bother me. It doesn't make a difference what I do with friends. It doesn't make a difference what song I listen to. It even doesn't make a difference if I lose a set of keys, or a cell phone, or a meal card, or a wallet. Those little, unvaluable things are nothing compared to the big, meaningful ideas that make life so exciting and grand. Because if you didn't have anything like goals and dreams, what is the point?

People get so caught up in they daily routines that they care about those mundane tasks. So I'm asking you, reader, what do you really care about? Does it compare to the things you do or use everyday like a set of keys or a cell phone?

Thinking

Do some people think more than others? Or do some people make their thoughts more known than others?

"Relax!" "Chill out" Usually you'll say a phrase like those to tell people to stop "thinking too much" or "overthinking." But are they really overthinking? or are they publicizing more of their thoughts?

I think this goes hand-in-hand with blogging. If someone reads this they might think that I have way too much time on my hands so I think of every little thing possible. Or they could think that I have the balls to be blogging my thoughts. Yeah?

How do you even find out an answer to this? Or is this one of those questions that we might just never really answer just because it may seem so stupid.

Advising

People who give great advice, but can't follow it themselves. Yeah, you are probably thinking about one or two people who do this. We've all probably been guilty of this at some point. Why do we do this?

If you get complimented on the advice you've given, why don't you have a strength to follow it yourself? Is it because we don't want to bother with our own questions? I'm really not sure.

Is it a bad thing not to follow your own advice? I'm not sure. It's common amoung everyone. So does that make it okay?